"It's Not a Luxury, It's a Necessity": Getting the Help You Need as a Physician Mom

March 19, 2025

When we think about physician success stories, we often focus on the medical achievements, the career milestones, the technical skills. But as my recent conversation with Dr. Cheruba Prabakar reveals, the secret ingredient might actually be somewhere else entirely: in the support systems we build around ourselves.

Dr. Cheruba, a successful minimally invasive gynecologic surgeon and mother of three, opened up about her journey through medicine, motherhood, and entrepreneurship in our latest conversation. While her professional accomplishments are impressive, what truly stood out was her refreshing candor about the support that makes her life possible.

The Myth of Doing It All

When I asked Dr. Cheruba about the help she receives, she didn't hesitate to share the full picture:

"My life would not be happening if I did not have all the help that I do have. And I'm not ashamed to say I will list out all the help I have right now. I will encourage everybody who can to do this."

Her support system includes:

• An au pair who lives with the family and handles school drop-offs and pick-ups

• A cook who prepares weekly meals for her and her husband

• A house cleaner who comes every two weeks and folds laundry

• A personal assistant who handles everything from birthday party planning to administrative tasks

This level of support isn't about luxury - it's about necessity. As Dr. Cheruba explained, these services eliminate common sources of conflict in relationships and free up time for what truly matters.

"These are things that we don't want to fight about," she shared. "We don't want to fight about 'Oh my gosh, the birthday's here, who's gonna order this?' or 'The house is such a mess, why can't you be more tidy?' These are things that we just decided we were not gonna fight about."

The Journey Through Motherhood

Dr. Cheruba's family-building journey provides valuable insight for Physician moms at various stages.

She had her first child during her surgical fellowship, managing to take only 4-5 weeks off before returning to her training. While this might sound challenging, she notes that she had prepared well: "I had my help like already arranged... So I think that was working in my favor."

For her second pregnancy, circumstances had changed dramatically. Her husband's company offered six months of paternity leave, which he took after her maternity leave ended. This enabled them to have a parent home with their newborn for nearly a year - a stark contrast to her first postpartum experience.

Perhaps most interestingly, Dr. Cheruba shared the decision process behind having a third child. While she and her husband initially thought they were done with two children, she found herself yearning for a third about three years later. This led to thoughtful conversations with her husband, who initially had reservations:

"My husband was like, 'Well, but we have it pretty good. Two kids, they were really great kids, and everything is good. Do you really want to mess that up?'"

They eventually decided to have a third child, but Dr. Cheruba emphasized that this was a mutual decision reached after careful consideration of their circumstances, including their ability to secure adequate support.

Navigating Family Dynamics

One particularly valuable insight from our conversation was Dr. Cheruba's advice about managing family help during the postpartum period. While family support is invaluable, it can also create tension if not handled thoughtfully.

"It's always best to communicate with your partner about help that comes in," she advised. "This can get really tricky because sometimes it's your family and you're so attached to your sister or your mom or whoever it is that's helping, but also just having an open communication with your partner."

She acknowledged that during her third pregnancy, which occurred during COVID, differences in opinion about precautions and boundaries created friction. In retrospect, she wishes she had established clearer boundaries and had more open conversations with both family members and her husband.

The Value of Coaching

Dr. Cheruba's final piece of advice resonated deeply with me: seek coaching, particularly before you deliver.

"I think as young moms, as new moms, sometimes we don't have the tools [to navigate challenges]," she reflected. "Now I have a coach, I've matured, I've had three kids – I'm in a different space. And so that's another thing I would really encourage young moms to do: get a coach."

She emphasized that coaching provides tools to advocate for yourself, even in situations involving family, and can help prevent unnecessary conflict. Having these resources before challenges arise allows for more thoughtful, less reactive responses.

The Permission to Seek Support

Perhaps the most powerful aspect of my conversation with Dr. Cheruba was the permission she gives other Physician moms to seek support without shame. By openly discussing her support systems, she normalizes the idea that success in both medicine and motherhood often requires significant help.

In a profession where self-sufficiency is prized and vulnerability can be perceived as weakness, this candor is refreshing. It's a reminder that behind many successful Physicians is not just talent and hard work, but a thoughtfully constructed support system that makes that success sustainable.

As Dr. Cheruba put it: "As Physicians, it is time for us to take the easy way out. We did not get the easy way out for anything to get where we are. Now it's time."

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