Beyond Surface Representation: Creating Affirming Spaces for Black Children
February 05, 2025
As a Black Physician mom, every choice I make for my children carries weight. From the toys they play with to the caregivers in our home, each decision either affirms or undermines their developing self-image.
The "Extreme" Measures
When my son was born, I noticed something troubling: nearly every educational toy, book, or game featuring people showed only white faces. Alphabet cards displaying body parts showed straight noses and green eyes. Holiday decorations, including Santa, didn't reflect our family.
My solution? I modified everything. I colored in white Santas. I threw out cards showing only European features. I searched extensively for books with Black characters. Some called these measures extreme. I called them necessary.
Early Intervention Matters
I didn't realize how necessary until my three-year-old son, while getting lotioned for school, said "I don't like my skin." His best friend had told him his skin was too dark. Despite all my careful curation of his environment, external messages had already started seeping in.
Creating Protected Spaces
This experience reinforced the importance of home as a sanctuary. In our house:
Books celebrate Black characters
Toys reflect our features
Caregivers share our heritage
Every choice affirms our beauty
Beyond Personal Choice
These decisions aren't just about my children. They're about creating change. When we accept toys, books, and media that exclude or marginalize Black children, we silently endorse these messages.
The little boy who told my son his skin was "too dark" learned that message from somewhere. Silence and "colorblindness" don't protect our children - they leave space for harmful messages to take root.
Moving Forward
For Black Physician families, creating affirming spaces isn't extreme - it's essential. Our children face enough external challenges. Home should strengthen their foundation.
For non-Black families, examine the messages your choices send. Have the uncomfortable conversations. Challenge the subtle biases in children's toys and media.
Change starts with conscious choices in our own homes. It starts with recognizing that representation isn't just about seeing ourselves in successful roles - it's about seeing our beauty reflected in everyday objects, from Santa Claus to alphabet cards.
Because when a three-year-old says they don't like their skin, we've waited too long to start.
Don’t miss an episode!
Follow the podcast on Buzzsprout, Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
