September 22, 2024

As Physicians, we're often caught in the trap of thinking we need to do it all - excel in our careers, be perfect parents, and maintain a picture-perfect home life. But what happens when we challenge these expectations and forge our own paths?

In a recent conversation with Dr. Ritha Belizaire, a colorectal surgeon and single mother by choice, I was reminded of the power of redefining success on our own terms. Dr. Belizaire's journey from traditional employment to owning her practice while raising two young daughters offers valuable insights for all Physician moms.

Embracing Support: The Key to Thriving

One of the most striking aspects of Dr. Belizaire's story is her emphasis on building a support system. As a single mom, she quickly realized that trying to do everything alone wasn't just impractical - it was impossible.

"Get help," she advises. "We're used to our moms doing everything. But that's not the way it's done now, and there's no glory in suffering."

This mindset shift is crucial for all Physician moms, regardless of their family structure. Accepting help isn't a sign of weakness; it's a strategic decision that allows us to focus on what truly matters.

The Au Pair Experience: Lessons in Flexibility and Vetting

Dr. Belizaire's journey with au pairs offers valuable lessons in childcare. After a challenging first experience, she took the time to thoroughly vet her next au pair, including multiple video chats and driving tests. The result? A much better fit for her family.

This experience highlights the importance of:

1. Being thorough in our hiring processes

2. Learning from setbacks

3. Being open to trying again after a negative experience

Balancing Entrepreneurship and Motherhood

Transitioning from employed medicine to owning her practice added another layer of complexity to Dr. Belizaire's life. Her approach? Building a team.

"The only way you can do the things that only you can do is to have others do the things that can be delegated," she explains.

This principle applies not just to our professional lives, but to our personal lives as well. By building a strong team at home and work, we can focus on the tasks and moments that truly require our expertise and presence.

The Value of Mental Health

Perhaps the most powerful takeaway from our conversation was Dr. Belizaire's emphasis on prioritizing mental health. She made the bold statement that "there is a monetary value on your mental health and your peace."

This perspective challenges us to rethink our priorities. Is it worth doing everything ourselves if it comes at the cost of our mental wellbeing? Often, investing in support - whether it's childcare, house cleaning, or meal prep - can pay dividends in terms of our overall happiness and effectiveness as both doctors and mothers.

Redefining Success

Dr. Belizaire's journey reminds us that success doesn't have to look like doing everything perfectly on our own. Instead, success can mean:

• Building a strong support system

• Knowing when to ask for help

• Prioritizing our mental health

• Focusing on the tasks that truly require our expertise

• Being present and content in our various roles

We have the power to redefine what success looks like for us. By embracing support, prioritizing our wellbeing, and focusing on what truly matters, we can thrive in both our personal and professional lives.

Remember, there's no glory in suffering. Let's embrace the support we need to be the best versions of ourselves - for our patients, our children, and ourselves.

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