July 10 ,2024

As a newly minted Perinatal Mental Health Certified OBGYN, I’ve delved deep into the intricacies of maternal mental health. One glaring issue that struck me during my studies is how sleep deprivation stands as an independent risk factor for various perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, such as postpartum depression, OCD, and even the severe postpartum psychosis. Despite the serious repercussions, our society has almost normalized sleep deprivation for new parents, especially mothers.

The Dangerous Acceptance of Poor Sleep

It’s astounding how sleep deprivation is often seen as an unavoidable part of early motherhood. The struggles of sleepless nights are worn like badges of honor in what I call the “Struggle Olympics.” Mothers share their tales of sleep-deprived bonding, often shaming those who seek help or try to get more rest. This mindset is not only unhealthy but downright dangerous.

The Viral Video Backlash

Take, for instance, the viral video of a mother preparing her breast milk for the night nurse. The backlash she faced was immense, with accusations of being elitist, lazy, and a bad mom. This strong reaction to a mother simply wanting to sleep highlights a disturbing societal expectation that moms should suffer through sleepless nights without seeking support.

Challenging the Status Quo

We need to challenge the notion that mothers must endure years of poor sleep. While it's unrealistic to expect 12 hours of sleep with a newborn, maximizing sleep through support systems and clear boundaries is crucial. Before your baby arrives, establish a plan with your partner or support network. Consider options like night nannies or doulas if you lack built-in support.

Sleep Training and Professional Help

Sleep regressions are common, but when they extend for months or years, it's time to seek help. Pediatricians often advise to "wait it out," but prolonged sleep issues warrant professional intervention. There are reputable sleep experts and physicians who can assist in developing a plan that suits your family’s needs.

My Personal Sleep Journey

Personally, I’ve struggled with sleep issues my whole life, which worsened postpartum. Protecting my sleep was non-negotiable, so my babies never slept in my bed, and I moved my noisy firstborn out of my room at eight weeks. This decision, though against common recommendations, was vital for my safety and ability to function as a physician.

The Bottom Line

Prioritizing sleep isn't a luxury; it’s a necessity. Poor sleep affects your physical and mental health, and it’s not something you should just accept. Exploring different solutions and seeking professional help for sleep training doesn’t make you a bad mom. In fact, it’s an investment in your well-being and your child’s development.

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Remember, you deserve rest and care. Prioritize your sleep and seek the support you need. Your health and your family's well-being depend on it.

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